Delicious Spam #1

Spam.

Most people hate it. They fear it appearing in their inbox. They're enraged by the intrusion on their privacy. They balk at the appearance of their E-mail addy anywhere that a spammer might pick it up.

Me, I kinda like spam. Sure, the annoying adult website ads are a pain, and most of everything else is just boring. But when spam is good--when it's wacky, insane, unfathomable--it makes all the dumb spam worth it.

I collect those bizzare spam notes, and in this new feature, I'm gonna start sharing some of my more maddeningly funny and weird spam letters with all of you. They're just plain odd, and I for one thank God for it.

From: fvdoris16569@mailbox.sk
Subject: Fwd: Count Dracula (352562)

GIRLS DISAPPEAR UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES

TRANSYLVANIA (IT) - Two attractive young women have disappeared while vacationing in the Transylvanian Mountains. Their garments have been found stained with partially digested blood and bat and human saliva. This and similar occurrences are causing international concern. Detective Iulia Popescu of the Transylvanian Police has concluded that the missing people are now slaves to the infamous Count Dracula.

This news article inspired us to form a group of brave souls to journey to Transylvania and face the original vampire on his native soil.

WE INVITE YOU TO COME TO TRANSYVANIA.

This inexpensive, all-inclusive travel package includes roundtrip airfare, ground transportation, hotels, food, sightseeing, guides, and entertainment.

The expedition will spend several days exploring the Transylvanian Mountains, home to the bloodsucking Master of Midnight.

During your ordeal, you will visit the authentic castle of the Count himself. You will also have a terrifying stay in a region that was controlled in the 15th century by Count's father, Vlad Dracul. You will stay in comfortable, carefully selected hotels feasting on lusty local cuisine and sipping the full-bodied, blood red wines of the region. You will be eagerly serviced by fair maidens and handsome lads naïve in the ways of the world and fascinated by foreigners.

While relaxing, you will spend quiet romantic evenings by candlelight with a companion, serenaded by gypsy violinists. Or, if you prefer, you will be swept away by the frenzied dancing of costumed locals. Casinos are also available for the more daring.

From the moment you step off the plane, there will be lots of fun and nasty surprises. They will delight and frighten you - but you will be safe.

This theme tour is for men and women, young and old alike. Only the weak, cowardly, and impotent will flee from this unique opportunity.

This tour is fully guaranteed and organized by a licensed international travel bureau. Entertainment and effects performed on location by professional theatrical troupes.

Space is limited-so the courageous must apply immediately.

Call 1-713-866-4056

We await your call seven days a week, 24 hours a day, including Sundays and holidays.

I'm ready to be eagerly serviced by a few fair maidens, that's for damn sure.

From: <>
Subject: UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS - RIGHT AWAY !!! BA BS MA MBA PhD (3219480)

UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS

Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration of all.

Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience.

No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.

Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas available in the field of your choice.

No one is turned down.

Confidentiality assured.

CALL NOW to receive your diploma within days!!!

1-770-621-4619

Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Sundays and holidays.

So I can get a diploma with no tests, no classes and no rejection?! Why the hell did I waste four years at college, then?! Damn! Hoodwinked again by the U.S. education system!

From: "info28511@babit.com"
Subject: What do you REALLY KNOW about your DOCTOR??? (721165)

What do you REALLY know about your Doctor???

I’m the Doctor that will treat your child.
I’m the Doctor that will operate on your wife.
I’m the Doctor that will examine your Mother.
I'm the Doctor that you will TRUST with YOUR Life.

But..What do YOU know about ME?

In reality, NOTHING but what I WANT you to know.

Now, you can see my COMPLETE MEDICAL PRACTICING HISTORY, including Where I went to medical school, when I graduated, my Board Certification Licenses, if there was or is ANY state Disciplinary Actions against me AND if I was or am NOW being SUED for Malpractice, all this, BEFORE YOU HIRE ME TO TREAT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY.

You can find all this out,
With one Simple Click
http://www.americafind.net

You've gotta love it when they try to scare you into buying into their scams. I'm YOUR Doctor, and I'm EVIL!!!!

From:
Subject: This Ain't Mayberry Here!!

**** DUDE!!! Check Out This Butt Kickin' Site!! ****

SHAZAM!! Let the Good Times ROLL!! For Next to Nothin'!

Check it Out and See Super HOT Action!!

Adult Material - Must Be Over 18 to Continue...

Click the Link and HANG ON!!!

http://%3362%361%3743%393%2F%63%72%6F%77

It sure AIN'T Mayberry! We never saw Aunt Bea's hooters, that's for sure! Dude! SHAZAM!!!

From: enlarging@post.cz
Subject: AMAZING PENIS ENLARGMENT BREAKTHROUGH.

AMAZING PENIS ENLARGEMENT BREAKTHROUGH!
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ALL NATURAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT!
http://www.herbalo.com/cgi-bin/jwsshop/jws-track.cgi?ID=herb2310&Site=ppros

It's about time I became the stud I deserve to be. Damn straight.